When I lived in the countryside in the mountains, I would take a walk every day. I did so mostly with my partner, just after lunch. Now I live in a city, and ever since my walks have decreased. Life is now taking place indoors and mostly behind my computer. I’ve tried to move more and taking breaks where I move around the house and walk the stairs. Getting outside is a whole other story, as if there is a barrier between me and the front door.
When the weather is good I now and then take a walk or bike to the center of the city, though no consistency here at all. If anything on my to do list had to be removed, it was always a walk or moving outside of the house. My physical condition was not great at all due to too much sitting behind the screen, and most activities I could think of that I liked, were almost all sitting activities.
So last year I bought a pair of inline skates, the same my daughter has and hoped for some change in my daily routine. The idea was to skate together a bit after lunch. Inside the house where I tried them on, it felt doable. Once I came outside, I noticed how the pavement was irregular and the streets not being flat. I felt like an old woman with stiff legs not able to move and was terrified to fall down. When we started it was fall and there were more days with rain than without. So as I said, I hoped for change, but hoping and trying is simply not enough to change. I had to break a routine that was not yet changeable, because the way I was acting, had become my comfort zone. I could not see any reason for why I would change. The inline skates moved into the closet, just reminding me of a failed project to move myself, literally move myself within my reality. Everything else was important except for me getting some fresh air and moving my body a bit, as a commitment to myself.
Then sir Oliver came along and after the first weekend I was babysitting him due to my daughter having to finish her job. Now I had a reason to go out, and it became fun to explore my world and my body when walking outside. My muscles became a bit sore and I bought some new rain boots and got blisters on my toes, but I kept walking. There was a purpose, I had the responsibility for sir Oliver!
Then I realized, that I am able to move myself and change myself, if someone or something else outside of me would need me. And I looked at this pattern and decided that, it is not cool if I cannot give/gift a commitment/change entirely to myself, only for myself. Why would my body not be allowed to move around more, to keep it healthy? And why would it be okay when my purpose is someone or something else? Now when I looked at it, it almost felt like I was punishing myself through my body. So sir Oliver has been a great support over the last weeks.
Through walking with him and being more aware of what it means to be here, I can feel and see that it is actually nice to move my body for 30-45 minutes, 3 times a day. And rain is absolutely no barrier to stop myself from going outside. Now I knew I can do it, I had to find a way to give/gift myself this body movement, to which I fully sympathize. So whenever sir Oliver goes out for a walk, whoever walks him, I will join and walk/move for myself with sir Oliver. All I needed after all was a little bit of love for myself. So ultimately I had to ask myself, how can I be there for others when I neglect myself? I could see that I had no answer to why I would not be worth looking after, so silence is consent and walking it is.