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49. The Smartphone

Sir Oliver's Granny

A few weeks ago I committed myself to take my smartphone with me when going for walks with sir Oliver. I then didn’t realize that it wasn’t a commitment, it was more a point of common sense that I wanted to make into a habit when going out with sir Oliver. In other words the intend was more of a desire than really taking the smartphone and bring it with me.

There have been moments where my home front wanted to contact me and wasn’t able to do so. There have been times that I wanted to take a picture and I couldn’t.  I could see the need for bringing the smartphone and that was about it.

I tried again and made the commitment again. Now there were times that I did take the smartphone with me, there were times I forgot it and there were times I remembered taking the smartphone with me, yet I decided not to. When looking at this behavior there was clearly something off.

Whenever I brought the smartphone with me, all was fine, and not much thoughts were involved. The moments I forgot, it was not always really forgetting, it was simply not trying to remember. And the times where I deliberately didn’t take the smartphone with me, it was like I was rebelling against the fact that I had committed to take the smartphone with me.

Then I directed myself to have a closer look at the point of rebelling. What or who was I rebelling against? I looked inside of myself in relation to this situation and looked for the emotions that were at play. I could feel the desire for freedom inside of me. Now I had to figure out why the smartphone or bringing the smartphone was withholding me my desired freedom.

I found a belief inside of myself that the smartphone does connect me with my outside world and my responsibilities. On my walks alone with sir Oliver I enjoy being alone with him, enjoying the weather and enjoying a moment of not being disturbed and only focussing on the walk and the adventures that come with it.

It was clear to me that letting go of this belief would assist me to let go of my rebelling behavior as well. The smartphone cannot claim me or dictate me to do anything else than enjoying my walk. It is me who determines how I experience myself on walks with sir Oliver. And if I decide that I am away for 30-45 minutes and only take responsibility for that moment, I can as well take full responsibility for that which awaits me when I get home. No one tells me that those walks cannot be a moment of relaxation, reflection and being here with sir Oliver. It is me that decides if I can fully enjoy me in every moment, it is only me that can gift myself this time with me and my surroundings.

After realizing this I have not yet once missed of forgot to take my smartphone with me when going alone on walks with sir Oliver. Which shows me that when we make commitments with ourselves, and we do not fully understand what is exactly at play, it will be far more difficult to stick to the commitment.

So for everyone that is into New Years resolutions or commitments, think again when it’s merely a desire, since you will set yourself up for disaster and most likely not only disappoint yourself.

 

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